Strawberry Fields Forever
by Riley Bernard
Summary: One-Shot. Missing scene from the end of 8x22. The aftermath of Arizona exploding at and walking out on Nick after finding out that he is dying. Callie comforts Arizona and helps her cope.


**Hello out there! So this is the first thing I've written that wasn't an essay or a test in about 3 months and I have to say, it felt really good. Took a little work to shake off the cobwebs and find my groove but when I did I remembered why I like writing so much. So yay for that.**

**And for those of you who are looking for a Dirty Little Secret sequel, I promise that one of those is definitely in the works. The story map is done, so I know what is going to happen. I'm currently doing research, but once I know what I'm talking about, I will start actually writing. Until then, here's a little warm up. **

Callie was wandering through the hospital looking for her wife. She'd tried the PEDS ward, Arizona's office, the Attending's lounge, their preferred on call room, the cafeteria, the catwalk and even outside. She had just tried her own office and was now roaming through the Orthopaedic ward just in case Arizona was in fact looking for her as well. But she doubted it. The way in which Arizona had fled from Nick's room made it clear that she wanted to be alone. Callie had wanted nothing more in that moment than to follow her wife and to comfort her in some way; but she was Nick's doctor. And Arizona had just screamed at him that he was dying before Callie had had a chance to deliver the results of his PET scan, and so she'd stayed. She explained to him what they'd found during his procedure, what they'd discovered on the PET scan and how they would proceed from here.

Their conversation had been distracted to say the least. Nick put on a brave face and Callie attempted to stay professional but neither was really engaged. The majority of patients stop listening after they hear the words "you're dying" and Nick had had that yelled at him ten minutes ago. Callie was going through the motions, but her mind was with Arizona.

When Teddy arrived at the door to talk to Nick about the procedure she and Cristina would need to perform, the relief Callie felt was twofold. For not only did it mean that she could now go out in search of Arizona, but also that she could remove the mask of professionalism she had adopted to talk to Nick about his condition. Because yes, the man was dying of cancer, but there was a part of her brain that was very aware of the fact that the man before her was causing her wife pain. And cancer or no cancer, that was just not okay.

But Callie had now been hunting for Arizona for at least ten minutes, meaning it had been over half an hour since she had last laid eyes on her very distraught wife. She was starting to worry, attacking her hunt for the blonde with a single-minded focus, and it was that single-minded focus that caused Callie to barrel head first into Jackson Avery as he rounded the corner, sending them both toppling to the ground.

Callie groaned as she felt a hand on her shoulder, and she looked up to see Mark staring back at her with concern. "You okay?" he asked.

Callie nodded.

"Sorry, Dr. Torres," Jackson said, already back on his feet. "I didn't see you there."

"No, it was my fault, Avery," Callie sighed as Mark pulled her up. "I wasn't watching where I was going."

"You sure you're okay?" Mark asked, taking in Callie's dejected demeanour.

Callie shook her head. "Have you seen Arizona?" she asked hopefully. But Mark shook his head

"Um, I saw her about a half hour ago," Jackson offered uncertainly. Callie had clearly been speaking to Mark, but he figured she'd want to know.

Callie's head snapped towards him. "You did? Where?"

"Uhh, leaving," Jackson offered. "She was walking across the parking lot. I think she was headed to your apartment building."

Callie whipped out her phone and checked, for the umpteenth time, if Arizona had sent her a message telling her that she had left the hospital, and yet again she was met with an empty inbox.

Callie's body language spoke volumes to Mark and he gently placed his hand over the screen of the phone that Callie was willing with all her might to chime with a message from Arizona. "What's wrong?"

Jackson suddenly became very interested in a poster on the other side of the hallway and he hurried over to examine it more closely while Callie's shoulders slumped and she finally met Mark's gaze.

"Nick, Arizona's friend, he's… he's not good. Teddy and Cristina might be able to give him a couple more months but he's going to die and she's…" Callie trailed off but Mark understood.

"I'm sorry," Mark offered. "Is there anything I can do? Do you want me to take Sofia again tonight?"

Callie nodded. "Yeah, actually that'd be great."

"Done. No problem," Mark replied with a soft smile. Then he turned and shouted, "Avery!"

"Yeah," Jackson answered, jogging back towards Mark and Callie.

"How do you feel about Ortho?" Mark asked.

"Fantastic. Excellent specialty," Jackson replied quickly.

"Great. Take Dr. Torres' pager and answer any Ortho consults for the rest of her shift," Mark said, pulling Callie's pager from her hip and handing it to his eager-to-please resident.

"Oh, no, Avery, you don't have to do that," Callie protested half-heartedly. She knew it wasn't right to offload her work onto the resident but the strength of her desire to be with Arizona at this moment allowed her to cross that ethical line, and so she put up no further protest when Mark shushed her.

"Go take care of your girl," Mark ordered gently.

Callie smiled. "Thanks. I owe you. Both of you," she added with a nod to Jackson. The resident simply smiled. And with that, Callie was hurrying down the hall towards the Attending's change room.

She stopped only to grab he bag, her scrubs were fine for the short walk home, and hurriedly made her way from the hospital and across the street. Crossing the lobby, Callie punched the up button for the elevator so vigorously that Mrs. Hudson, who was downstairs getting her mail, gave her a startled and frightened look. As she rode the elevator to her floor, Callie willed herself to calm down. Yes she'd been worried about Arizona. But Arizona didn't need worried Callie right now. She needed loving and supportive Callie. Taking one more deep, calming breath, Callie tried the door to her apartment, found it unlocked, and let herself in.

Closing the door behind her, Callie was greeted with the sight of Arizona, spread out on the couch with a massive bowl of strawberries in front of her. The blonde looked up at the click of the door, and her gaze met Callie's eye.

"Hey," Callie greeted gently, crossing the room and dropping down next to Arizona on the couch.

"Hi," Arizona replied. "What time is it? Is your shift over?"

Callie shook her head. "No. I was just worried about you. I couldn't find you and - "

"I'm sorry," Arizona said quickly. But Callie shook her head.

"It's okay," she said softly, kissing the blonde's temple. "I just didn't want you to be alone right now."

Arizona sighed and settled against her wife's chest. They sat in silence for a moment before Arizona said, "Want some strawberries? We've got like two pounds of them… or maybe more like a pound and a half at this point…"

Callie grabbed a strawberry and popped it in her mouth. "Sorry about that," she said sheepishly. "It's just, I could see mets in the vessels and - "

"No, I get it," Arizona cut her off. They settled into silence again.

"Do you want to talk?" Callie tried after a while.

"No," Arizona replied quietly, shaking her head against Callie's shoulder.

Callie glanced down and saw the tears slowly slipping down her wife's cheeks. She gently wiped them away and replied, "Okay."

But it hadn't even been five minutes before Arizona blurted, "I didn't handle Tim's death very well."

Callie said nothing. She'd surmised, from the way Arizona still reacted to the mention of Tim's death, that her wife had had a difficult time coping with the loss, but this was the first time Arizona had ever stated the fact outright.

"He was my best friend," Arizona continued. "He was my only friend a lot of the time. We moved around so much and I was never great at making new friends so for a while, in a new city, Tim would be the only kid I knew… well, Tim and Nick. Our dads were in the same unit for a bit so we ended up moving to the same cities. And Nick has a sister but she's a lot older so it was always the three of us. And when Tim died I… We… Nick and I…"

Callie could hear Arizona getting worked up, and so she brought her hand to play gently in her wife's hair, slowly soothing her back down. "It's okay," she whispered gently.

"It'll have been seven years in January," Arizona continued. "Timothy will have been gone for seven years in January."

"I know," Callie agreed softly, her fingers still playing through Arizona's hair.

"So Nick… He would have found out about the cancer just a couple of months after Tim died. And I was such a mess Callie. I barely left my apartment for weeks. I called Nick every day. And this is my fault."

"What?" Callie asked. "No, Arizona, this - "

"Yes it is," Arizona cut her off. "Nick knew that if he told me he was dying just after Tim… with the way I was, Callie, I would have lost it completely. So he didn't get treatment. He let himself die because he knew I was too fragile then."

Arizona's tears were falling hard and fast. It broke Callie's heart but she pulled her wife from her chest anyways. "Look at me," she said sternly. When Arizona met her gaze she continued. "I know it has to feel like that now. I know this has to hurt. But this is not your fault. Nick waited _six years_ to get treatment. You have not been a fragile mess that entire time. When he was diagnosed he'd just lost his best friend, that's terrible enough, but to have another dose of mortality slap him in the face like cancer… He was scared Honey. And so he did what you and I have seen a million patients do. He pretended like nothing was wrong. He avoided his problem for years until he couldn't pretend anymore and by then it was too late."

Arizona shook her head, so Callie pressed on. "We've been together almost four years now, Arizona. And when I met you, you were not a grieving mess. Four years ago you could have handled hearing that Nick had cancer, and if he'd gotten treatment four years ago, he very likely would not be dying right now. This is not your fault. Nick made his own choices."

"No, Callie, this has to be my fault," Arizona pleaded. "Because if this isn't my fault then Nick is just another idiot patient who basically killed himself."

"He was scared," Callie tried.

"No, Calliope, do you know what hurt the most about Tim's death? It was the fact that I couldn't save him. I'm a doctor, but he dove on top of a grenade on the other side of the world, and there was nothing I could do. You have no idea how many times I said that to Nick. He knew that I wanted to save Timothy."

"Of course you did," Callie tried.

"So then why wouldn't he let me help him?" Arizona exploded. "Nick's not stupid. He knows that if you have cancer and you don't get treated – you die."

"Then he probably didn't make his choices because of you," Callie reasoned. "Seeing how upset you were over Tim, he could hardly think that forgoing treatment and letting himself die was the best thing for you."

"I know that. I know, I'm just… I'm confused. And I'm angry. And I miss my brother and…" Arizona dissolved back into tears.

Callie wrapped her wife in a strong hug and slowly rocked them back and forth on the couch. "I know, I know," she hummed softly. "But Nick is scared and confused and angry too. You can feel that way together."

"No, I can't," Arizona shook her head. "I can't see him right now."

"_But he needs you_" was on the tip of Callie's tongue, but when she glanced down and saw the pleading in Arizona's eyes, she bit back her words. Arizona wasn't only dealing with the loss of her best friend, she was also reliving the loss of her brother. And if she needed a little time to cope, she could have that.

"Okay," Callie nodded.

"Thank you," Arizona sighed, settling into Callie's arms and resting her head back against her wife's chest.

They sat in comfortable silence for a while, Callie's free hand had resumed its playing in Arizona's hair when her eyes fell upon the large forgotten bowl of strawberries sitting in front of them.

"That is, seriously, a lot of strawberries," Callie commented, helping herself to another.

"Well I thought I had to feed a whole day care, Calliope," Arizona replied. She opened her mouth and Callie deposited a strawberry in it. Arizona smiled at the sweetness and snuggled closer into Callie. "This is nice," she hummed. "Let's just stay like this forever. Forget about the not nice things outside of our apartment."

"This is nice," Callie agreed, dropping a kiss to Arizona's hair. "But you know what would make this better?"

"What?"

"Ice cream. We have vanilla in the freezer."

"Oh my god, you're a genius," Arizona moaned, shifting her body so that Callie could rise from the couch.

Returning shortly with two bowls of ice cream, Callie scooped generous amounts of strawberries onto both bowls before passing one to Arizona and resuming her place on the couch beside her. They flipped on the television to some mindless documentary that neither was overly interested in, and gorged themselves on strawberries and ice cream. The gravity of Nick's situation would still be there tomorrow, but for now, Arizona could just hide in the comfort of Callie and strawberries.

**Hope you made it to the end :) Your reviews are absolutely adored, but of course, certainly not required. They just really make me smile.**


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